The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.

If there's any literary ability in a feller, getting fired out of a good government job will bring it out.

All the world loves a good loser.