Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

If there's any literary ability in a feller, getting fired out of a good government job will bring it out.

There ought t'be some way t'eat celery so it wouldn't sound like you wuz steppin' on a basket.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.