This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.