There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.

Simón Bolívar is the only person in history to be exiled from a country named after him.