If you're going to be an artist, you need to be an original.

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.

I don't think where people come from is that important. It doesn't matter if you come from reality TV. The question is whether you can inspire people.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50.

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.