William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

If you're going to be an artist, you need to be an original.

Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.