If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.

Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.