I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart. And both of them were independents, by the way.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen.

The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.