Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.

If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.

I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.