Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.