Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?