Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!