Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.