Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.