Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.