Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.