Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.