I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.