This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.