This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.