This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.