I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.
If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.
Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.