I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.