Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.