Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.