The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!