The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.