The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.