One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.