One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.