You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.