The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.