The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.