The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.