The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!