The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.