The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.