It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.