I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be made fun of, it's quite ridiculous isn't it. Think how people spend their lives, they have no idea. They go around as if this is a fact. It's so insane you know. If I really believed that stuff I'd keep it to myself. Lest somebody think I was out of my mind.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.