I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.