Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

I've always loathed rich people, so I've become who I've loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.