A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.