I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.
I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.
A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.
The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.
Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course