Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.
Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.
I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!
A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone
The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.