Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

I find human contact repulsive.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.