It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

Just remember, somewhere there's some guy who's tired of putting up with her crap

How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

To me, the [British] Open is the tournament I would come to if I had to leave a month before and swim over.

Who can say I have a bad swing? The only thing that matters in golf is the score you put on the board. You don't have to look pretty out there, you have to win. Look at my record and tell me who has a better swing than mine.