I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.