I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.
Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit, I still miss him.
I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.