Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.