There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.