There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.

"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.