I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.