I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.