I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Spring time is the land awakening.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.