To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about.

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

God is like a shitty girlfriend.