Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love!

If you're ever if you're ever thinking, “Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,” remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?

I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming.

Time flies when you are anxious!

There's a reason I'm a stand-up comedian. I think there may be some laziness inherent in that job. It's the four-hour work week, on some level. I mean, I work at it, but it's not that kind of... it's just not the hours at all. So I was extremely grateful for the job. It was super, super fun, and I'm surprised that I made it.

I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.

Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window.