You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.