NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.

My need is for safety, fun and to have distribution of resources, a sustainable life on the planet. NVC is a strategy that serves me to meet these needs.

To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you've studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn't mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what's alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment?

You'll find people less threatening if you hear what they're needing rather than what they're thinking about you.

Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.

The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.

However impressed we may be with NVC concepts, it is only through practice and application that our lives are transformed.