Comedy unites, it doesn't divide!

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

To succeed in comedy you ultimately have to put in the hours and get lucky - The amount of people who are able to break through is so small a fraction of the amount of people trying.

I'm a compulsive everything.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

I have this habit of asking 'why do you want to do it?' and then interrupting them to say, 'here's why you want to do it.' Because it's in the 'yes...and' spirit [rule of improvisation].

...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health.