It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?