I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?