Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.