In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.