My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.