A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

A thing of beauty is a job forever.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me.

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?