War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.