Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.