I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.
She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"