Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list