Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!