I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.