I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.