My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!