I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.