The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.