The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.