The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.