They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?