They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.